Wednesday, July 16, 2008


I had frequented the hospital last week, .... and also this week. Too often in fact that I am now familiar with faces there; that one doctor would wave at me everytime he sees me! But the truth is, I don´t really like hospitals. It reminds me of death..... of our mortality..... the omega.

I have trouble sleeping lately. Everytime I close my eyes, I feel like drowning. That there is this powerful sucking force that makes me feel like a leaf at the mercy of the wind. I also feel like I am going to die in my sleep. This is the reason why I take sleeping pills nowadays. You see, sleeping pills numb the senses.... the brain. You don´t have to think. You don´t have to be a responsible adult. In fact, you don´t have to be anything. It´s just you and sleep.

Which brings me to my next thought. What happens to us when we go to sleep? Of course, there are millions of articles, dissertations, books, and studies made about sleep. But nobody had really come up with a concrete answer. Until now, we still don´t really know what happens the moment we close our eyes and jump into that abyss where time seems infinite.

So can you blame me if I don't want to sleep anymore? hahahaha


Mel said...

i also am an insomniac. i can go on having three sleepless nights in a row! but what is amazing is that my cognitive and body functions remain at almost the same level even when i don't have a single sleep. i don't feel drowsy or weak at all, and i can proceed with my regular activities as if i had a full night's sleep. having realized this, i have now come to terms with my sleeplessness patterns. i appreciate the fact that i am able to do the things during this time which i am normally unable to do at daytime. how to cope with insomni? don't resist it, because the more that you resist it, the more that sleep won't come.

i know that in time you will be able to overcome your dread about sleeping. remind yourself always that sleep is a wonderful thing designed by our Creator so our body could have that much needed rest. and since it is from God, why fear it?

i've read somewhere that during sleep, our soul (consciousness) leaves our body and joins the larger consciousness of the universe and merges with the greatest consciousness of all -God. when we dream, we are able to catch glimpses of this different realm. so sleep is a very good thing, because our soul gets to be reunited with the One who created it.

i too used to worry so much about not being able to wake up in the morning. but i realized that that is simply because i wanted to be in control of everything. our life lies in the hands of our Creator, dear friend. there's nothing we can do if He wills that it is time for us to go. Whether we're asleep or awake, when it's time for us to go, we will go. but one of my prayers is that if my time is up, may God take me away while i'm asleep. peaceful death while sleeping - isn't that beautiful?

i pray dear that God's grace be upon you so your restless spirit can be calmed.

Droomvla said...

thanks, Mel. :)