Tuesday, December 1, 2009

letting go.

In my life, I lost childhood friends, boyfriends, and bestfriends. Yes, it can be very painful when a relationship breaks up. First, there's shock. You know, like your friend has died. Then, there's this gripping grief that it's over.

Normally, we would ask ourselves, what went wrong? What did I do? We tend to blame ourselves. Then, we get angry and frustrated, and we punish ourselves by thinking that it's wrong to have a good cry to get the grief out of our system. This is especially true when the relationship was a really good one. When you've known each other practically all your lives, or if you grew up together, or spent important years of your lives together.

I've lost friends this year. Not just acquaintances but good friends. It makes me sad, of course.

But I knew that the friendship was over when we stopped talking to each other. I tried to patch things up, but I realised that I was just wasting my time because they have passed judgment on me -- as to what kind of person I have become, after moving to Europe.

I felt like a beggar really, pleading them to take me back. But who am I kidding? I was simply prolonging my agony. I know that instead of winning them back, I pushed them away when I tried explaining things to them. Truly, a waste of time.

Then, I realised something. I realised that I worry too much that I'll never meet new friends again because they were my good friends for a very long time. It was quite difficult for me to think that there'll be others but my sister kept saying that there will be!

I know that I have changed. My beliefs and worldview have altered. I know that. I have not only acclimatized, but have also acculturized myself here which is only logical because these acquired values and behaviours are necessary for me to live and survive here. It doesn´t mean that I have forgotten who I am and where I came from. But sadly, my friends don´t look at it that way.

Now, I feel completely resigned and surprisingly, I don't feel rejected anymore because if there is one thing that I have learned from this life, that would be that relationships/friendships end for all sorts of reasons, and it's hardly ever one person's fault.


~Lopa said...

Awwww that's sad....
but if this happened because they passed judgement on you and stopped talking with you... let them go... then they dont deserve it may be... they were not your true friends may be...

As one who is your dearest friend will never pass a judgement on you, and no matter how far you are, no matter how often you talk but you will always connect whenever you talk, and when you talk time will never stand in between.

And i agree with your sister, you will find more.
You will find friends who understands you in all way.

Droomvla said...

You are so right, Lopa. But I am still hurting, you know?

As people grow older, I think people tend to become more attached to their "status". And somehow, I don't fit their world anymore because we no longer share the same views about practically everything.

It's difficult for me to let them go because I feel like they are the few ones left (the remainder and reminder) of my pre-Dutch memories/days. It´s very tough.

But I have come terms with reality now that if they could badmouth me to their other friends, then we can no longer be friends. Don´t you agree?

Anita said...

We can ALWAYS make new friends. Virtual friends, occasional friends, unexpected friends, lovely friends, naive friends.

Droomvla said...

@Anita: Thanks! You're right! We can ALWAYS make new friends. :D

Nice to see here again.

buday said...

People have a tendency to put everyone they know in a box. When you break out of the mold they've put you in, they say, you have changed, you're not the person you used to be. OF COURSE you're not. How can a person NOT change in so many years?

Just let yourself be who you are NOW and be happier for it. There'll be other friends. :)

Droomvla said...

@Buday: Exactly! I actually don't understand why they don't get that --- that people change.

Yes, I am happier now. Finding friends should not be difficult. I know. I guess, I just got so used to them, and am a bit scared of change. :)

Anna said...

You know how it is: some people come into your life for a reason, and if that reason had been fulfilled, they leave. Either that or you let go.

Sad, but then again, there's always room for more...

Droomvla said...

@Anna: Very true. :)